All The Small Things

Once you’ve crossed the line over to a new personality, things seem easier to do. Being forward doesn’t take energy out of you, it actually pumps you up. Your wit bursts out naturally instead of your eyes darting, thinking of what to say. Movements natural. Body relaxed.

The problem becomes the smaller things you used to do that your shift didn’t erase. The stupid smile when a girl talks to you. Leaning in during a easy to hear conversation. Or, in my case, excitement at seeing someone I knew outside of the place I know them from. It’s an odd-ass thing, but my brain goes “HEY LOOK HEY LOOK HEY! HEY!….. HEY!” It happened when I saw one of the Waitresses on Tuesday. I did pretty well though. I didn’t wave like a child. I didn’t say “I KNOOOOOW YOU!”. I looked at her, since my relatives and I were waiting for a while, and said a “I know you” style “Hey”. Once I gauged she either didn’t recognize me or wanted to acknowledge that she did, I just let it pass. I acted normal. Once the older saw me and we talked for a moment or two, the first one, the younger one, came over and gave an invite for tonight.

I keep saying it, and its true: baby steps. Baby steps, brothers, and you’ll be a man.

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