Written at 1:54am

I tried to fall asleep early, but to no avail. I guess I’ll have to short myself some hours if I’m going to get on a schedule more tuned to day and night. I’m doing this because I need to get up and get out quick to exercise, walk and just let myself think my day through. I’ve never been a morning person. I’ve never been much of a planner person. I leave things to the last minute, create messy rooms and all around keep house like I was 4 years old. My uncle is correcting that flaw in me quickly. His own bedroom looks like its never been slept in. He expects the same from my room.

I signed up for UI from Utah yesterday. First time ever I’ve had to request state assistance. Luckily, I’ve thrown my ideology out the door and care about myself more than anything. Its needed. While I don’t pay rent and my relatives are kind enough to feed me most of the time, I need the money to pay down the debts I already have, to keep my car in my hands for future employment and for other things. I have no problem making business contacts. I applied to a dozen places on Monster a few weeks ago, none that contacted me back. Not even the TV guys are getting back to me. Its nasty out here, but I’ll make it. I have my insiders. I just need to bide my time.

Things on the Maria horizon are looking good. She picked her number, so the plan is set, she just needs to give me the data on what days she’s off. We’re taking a slow pace, but fuck me if that isn’t something I’ve never experienced. All my exs and my lays have been with girls who went down early or who I was extremely sexual with early on, usually over the internet. We are a generation of instant gratification. We forget what a build up feels like. Fuck, I have little experience in a real build up of human contact from day one. It is frustrating slightly, but I also think of the day I’ll be able to let it all go. I know I’ll get there. I know it’ll be great (for me, at least), so those thoughts keep me walking tall like I showed Rosie O’Donnell my pimp hand on live TV.

I’ve also scaled back my going out massively. Instead of random days when I feel like it or feel shitty, I’m going to hit up two places or more on Fridays. There are a bunch of decent places on my roster, so I can switch it up quick if a place feels lame that night. The Sire will still be my HQ for a drink and relaxation, since they know me there now, but I can’t get drunk there anymore or go as frequently. That shit costs me a good chunk.

Time to try to sleep again. I’ll try the den room couch this time.


One response to “Written at 1:54am

  1. Pingback: Linkage is Good for You: Unfathomable Pain Edition

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