I like hats. I think they add to my image. I have my mother’s hair, which means its thick and unruly unless I wet it down. I’ve tried product, but it just doesn’t look right. So, with hats I go.

With hats, obviously, you need to find one that fits. My hats usually came from my dad. He’d get free swag on the jobs he’d go on, so I’d have an assortment of sponsor hats, Olympic hats, trucker hats, and so on. Very few actually fit right, but I wore them. This lead to me buying and wearing hats that ended up making me look more of a douche. Observe:

Swag, bitches.

Notice how much room there is between my ear and the bottom of the hat on the side. A good inch or more of hair can be seen. It means the hat doesn’t fit. Its not conforming to my head. Its laying on top of it as much as it can. Same evidence here:

I'm married, can't you tell?

Yeah… poof hair. Nice.

I’ve got a big ass head. In 3rd grade, we measured our heads for science class and I beat out everyone including the future 6’4, 250 pound linebacker. This dude was a good six inches bigger and 50 pounds heavier than me in class, but my noggin’ kicked his ass. It was a few years ago when I came across the hat shop Lidz. It sells flex fit hats from small to extra large, as well as the normal adjustable band hats. It was there that I picked up my first truly perfect fit hat. Volia!:

Fish: "Nice hat, bro."

The width between ear and hat is less than an inch. The hat looks like its covering the head, not gripping it for dear life. It’ll never be like a skully (or toque [too-k] as Canadian’s call it) and make your head vanish. Nor will it be anything like the infamous Scumbag Steve’s oversized purchase:


I’ve currently got three hats from Lidz. The red lambda, an homage to Sparta’s home symbol, but which everyone takes as frat or gay pride (fuck!), a plain black one and a Philadelphia Flyers hat. Each one is black, since it works with my clothes and each one fits just like the others.

If you want to wear hats, these are the basics I’d recommend. They aren’t much, but they work. Go with whatever fits your style, but go with what fits as well. One of my pre-Lidz hats ended up flying off of me and lost to the Utah wilderness because it didn’t fit. So, for all you big spenders, take that in to consideration. Also, and I’ll get into this later, if you wear hats a lot, work your hairstyle into it. Back in elementary, there are pictures of me with a fuckin’ ‘fro coming out of the sides of my head from my hat. Sexy as hell, I tell ya.


3 responses to “Hats

  1. Pingback: A MAN’S GUIDE TO HATS

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