I had her on her couch, her legs wrapped around me, holding me in tight. Our clothes weren’t off yet, but they would be soon. I would be off to Florida soon for only a few days, but she misses me as if my cock gave her life. I pull her up into my lap and we make out harder, shirts fly off and I attack her tiny chest as if they were the perfect pair of tits. My passion, and my need to bust one, drive her insane. In a quick decision, I stand, picking her up, hands on her ass as she wraps tight, ready to go to her bedroom. I shock myself. I’ve never done this with her with ease. When I was younger, I could barely lift her, due to her weight and my scrawny arms. Now, where I am heavier than her small frame by dozens of pounds, it dawns upon my mind of the self-hate I’ve had, based on false sight.

After taking her on the floor of her living room, nearly an hour after I had first entered, I lay, panting, and think of what an idiot I had been for so long. I lay horizontally, 5 feet, 11 inches, long. I weigh 185 pounds, fluctuating to 190. I used to be 155 for years, even into the twilight years of the marriage, until a bout of heartburn and its prescription pill somehow broke the metabolism I had before. I gained 10 pounds quickly. After the marriage dissolved, I gained another 40. When I returned to Canada in September, I was 200. A limit I thought I’d never reach. The skinny kid died crying.

I worried about the fat and the gut like a woman, until I lifted this chubby woman who used to be able to pin me down in high school like she was nothing. Sweaty and grinning, I looked at my arms and realized what I see, the arms of 25 years of skinny, is not what she sees. While my hand covers my bicep, her hand finds trouble covering it all. While there is little definition, under the skin is power, despite what womanly ideas I’ve coveted during years of betahood. While I do not grace gyms, I do work out, lifting the weights my dad has, push ups, and it is doing benefits, even if abs do not grow beyond fat on demand or veins pop out ready for the silver screen.

The power another looking upon you as if you were Heracles himself, instead of you looking in a mirror, combing for flaw after flaw, aids us. Sometimes we need others to remind us, especially if beta-tainted by the past, that not all of us are genetic masters, but, with hard work, we are just as strong and just as virile.


4 responses to “Self-Sight

    • Thanks. Something else I noticed a few days ago while my dad and I helped my sister move, his arms are no bigger than mine and he works out way more often than I do. I believe I had that false sight due to him always being the big guy who could toss me around, picking me up over his shoulder with ease. When seen objectively, our arms are no different, which means I had been looking at myself through the eyes of a little child all this time.

  1. Pingback: Linkage is Good for You: Week of April 15, 2012

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