Last week was probably my lowest in a while. Despite scoring my first solid proof of tiny harem, emotionally I was caught in some kind of weird anger loop. Getting laid didn’t break it. Getting drunk didn’t break it. I had no clue what or why, all I knew was that I was ready to run every asshole on the road into a ditch. Grandmas, fat Italians, women. All were to feel my wrath. The anger fucked with my eating habits. I was passing through drive thrus and loading up on carbs like I was a teenager at prom. My workouts died. Only lifting came from work.
Ruts are hard to break. When you get down, the thoughts are obessesive. Never ending loops of negativs thoughts tearing towards your happiness.
I found my break two-fold. First, I just stopped giving a shit. It was instant. I just walked outside during work and when the cold breeze hit I went cold. The anger vanished. A blessing of the brain, I guess. My second move is what is most important.
I picked up my guitar and resumed practicing. I had put it off for a week. When I restarted, I was better. My finger placement was bullseye. My timing on. I could feel focus. The creative cracked the corpse of my anger.
Today, I feel normal. No awkward reserved waiting. No seething. Thinking clear. Feeling good. Ruts can bury us, but when broken it can bring us to higher stages of ourselves.