I didn’t usually send her flowers, but that day I did. On the card was “Be good.” A private message between us.
The Ex told me time and again she wanted to be a slave. A lifestyle submissive. Her life owned by me. As I was then it was a foreign concept, but I adapted over time. To a boy raised on feminism, controlling a woman like that is not easy. It didn’t help that my wife would swing back and forth in her fidelity to the idea. Sometimes she would be on her knees when I got home. Other times she would physically push me away and tell me angrily she did not want it. I wasn’t socially mature enough to realize what was going on. I was just trying to be a good husband.
When I sent the flowers little did I know it was already falling apart. I was telling her to be a good slave, but in her mind she had already broken free from chains that were never holding her back. I was blind to all of this. Intoxicated by the idea of having a woman be submissive to me. Me, Jordan, the kid who use to shake and sweat near any girl he liked. The kid who had a 4 year dry spell. The kid who was lucky enough to marry a bisexual. I was high on all the possibilities, ignorant to the reality.
Even after being betrayed, I was the one following that message. “Be good.” Don’t fault her. You did something wrong. Keep in touch. These are the things a good man does.
Good. Good is a moral concept relative to the society you are in. Good is abstract, floating across our minds, chaining us to certain behaviors. The gatekeepers of morality shame on us into being as they want us to be. The church has given way to feminism. What was immortal then is moral now. What was betrayal then is freedom now. What was natural to human being is now considered a hate crime. Good is a political tool used to control the masses, leading us by our noses to their false paradise.
I am part of a generation sedated by constant stimuli. We were born into information, raised on the first instances of Internet pornography, and now hunt in a sexual field littered with land mines while being told that there are no mines and everything is safe. Awakened to this fact, reality sets in like a punch to the face. I must take steps with purpose or I step on another mine and lose more then just some money and a mentally ill wife.
Good is a leash. Defined by self appointed betters, they will drag you to your demise. Define yourself and define your own actions. Feel what is you and be it. Give none to those who want to control you. This is what it means to be a man in the 21st century. With help from my brothers, I’ve been slowly turned on to this fact. With perseverance, I’ve been able to define myself. With a strong will, the next gatekeepers will never break me.