That’s All You Are

The problem with opening yourself up is that you invite pain. You invite every flaw and every evil that others project. Being emotionally honest to everyone will quickly destroy your faith in humanity. You will become angry, bitter and dissolutioned. This is how feminists and militant MRAs are made. Somewhere they opened up fully and they ended up hurt. Instead of growing up, they grew out, reaching for reasons and looking for skulls to break.

It takes true emotional maturity to endure. The Intern (now paid) lost her mom recently. Two weeks ago, during an ice storm, her car hit black ice and now is totaled. Since she lives near me, we carpool in to Toronto. This is given us much time to talk. She still remains upbeat and ambitious, blaming no one for her pain.

When I first met her, I thought I was ready to pull out all the stops, but the situation changed and by choice I scuttled my attempts to game. This did not stop my feelings, and I found myself conflicted between trying to get her and knowing the slim chances.

The Intern was the first girl I had honest strong feelings for after the Ex. And the longer we’ve worked together, its more apparent how well of a match it is.

But the impressions have been made. The lines drawn. I am a friend and I know it. That’s all I am.

Unlike Ariel (see QuickTips comments), I am NOT lashing out because my feelings are not returned. I do not think that I am so perfect for this girl that I will destroy everything to make it happen.

I have been humbled by this experience. This is a girl I should be falling over backwards for. A broken man still in the throes of divorce finding someone like him, but not able to hold or kiss or enjoy. But I won’t. I can stand tall, without a word of selfish attention, and be a man outside of a woman’s feelings.

My emotions are not the center of me. My purpose is not to bow before romantic fantasies. Through every bit of pain, bad luck and personal poverty, I grow and endure and hold stronger to what I believe.

Ariel learned this when she came to my house uninvited. She would learn much more if she decided to become violent. I did not budge. Later she ended up getting arrested at her kids school (according to her), looking for different outlet for her anger at her powerlessness. Because that’s all she is and she’s unable to cope.

So, my friends, do not falter when things don’t go your way. Recognize reality. Every ounce of endurance builds stoic muscle. Hold to the code that we all have, and you will personally prevail sooner or later

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