Day 5

The worst is over. The cravings have fallen. I’m no longer crawling at the walls, looking for anything to sate my body’s former need for nicotine.

Now, comes killing the habit. Harder than it seems.

Smoking became associated with many things. Eating. Drinking. Sex. Boredom. Exhaustion. Gaming. After working out, when I did work out in the last year, I smoked. It just seemed to make it better, even though I knew I was negating anything I did cardio-wise. I felt good, so I did it. All those associations have to be transferred to other things.

Instead of having a smoke when I break from reading or writing or anything leisure, I do a set of push ups or sit ups. I do more than one if the psychological need is great. Whenever I can, I do a set of exercises. Enough to crush the need and replace it with something that isn’t bad for me.

And its a shame, really. When I started smoking, I did it a stress reliever. After a while, I found I liked smoking. Nicotine aside, I liked the act. Some of the best moments of 2012 were punctuated by having a good smoke. But, it can’t be. Not as a habit. Not as something I can hold on to and excuse. There are bigger and better things and I need a pristine body.

Maybe, in the future, when a moment comes where I sit upon a bench, a beer in hand, in some beach side bar, or on a mountain or wherever an adventure takes me, I can let myself light one up. Maybe.

That moment is not a right. It is something to be earned.

And when something is earned through blood and sweat, it makes it all that much sweeter.

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2 responses to “Day 5

  1. I drive for a living, and the two biggest walls I have up about the idea of quitting smoking are: how the hell am I supposed to drive hours at a time without it? How the hell am I supposed to sit and write without it? Especially since at this point, I’ve been doing it for over half my life?

    • My jobs usually involve a lot of driving to. I found it extremely hard not to go through a pack during a long drive. But, I also think I’ve done long trips, up to 18 hours driving, and not smoke. I had a life before smoking and I can have a life after it. That’s what I think anyway.

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